Saturday, July 04, 2009
TOFUTTI BREAK!
Friday, July 03, 2009
This picture had RIP written on it in pen in case you don't have FALCON VISION.
Congratulations, the asshole world has memorialized you at Wal Mart.
I just got a blog iPhone application, so now you're all doomed to experience life right along side me. also the pictures will suck and be 200 px wide!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
I'm at the beach. night before last we met a cool physician at dinner and went adventuring with her the next morning. i am intimidatingly tan for a ging. i like the night time iridescent creatures, and i am so happy.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Hey. Wanna play Pogs?
Friday, June 26, 2009
Michael Jackson was found dead this afternoon. There aren't very many details yet, but I'm sure it will develop into something strange and obsessed over, which I guess are familiar adjectives when discussing the man.
UNLIKELY. If anyone could pull off faking his own death, it's Michael Jackson. He mysteriously dies at 50? More like he pays a small group of EMTs to play along, then goes back to being a black man and lives a quiet life in Thailand. Sawatdee Khrab, you Smooth Criminal.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Look at this picture for a minute.
Hi. My name is. My name is.
You're welcome.
In the truest spirit of America, someone has made a Barak Obama Dildo. I'm ordering mine in gold! It's classier!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Too bad Frank Zappa isn't my dad.
Monday, June 22, 2009
This happened.
Dear Conair-I am writing to inform you that this evening, my Thinner® Digital Elegant Black Scale, model: TH302, spontaneously exploded in an unprovoked shower of glass and elegant sadness.
My wife and I were watching television when we heard a loud "POP!" emanate from our bathroom. Upon investigation, we discovered a landscape of shattered glass and electronics. Our Thinner® Digital Elegant Black Scale, model: TH302 is no more. No one had been in the bathroom for about an hour prior to the disaster, and yet the scale self-destructing of its own accord. Is this a common feature for the Thinner® Digital Elegant Black Scale, model: TH302?
I feel that this is both a danger, and a hazard, and certainly not a valuable feature in an otherwise elegant and useful bathroom scale. In addition to the heartache and headache of cleaning up the glass, I sustained minor lacerations to my hands from the cleanup procedures. Additionally, I am concerned that I will live in an unyielding silicate prison, trapped by the fear of my water-softened toes encountering an errant, overlooked shard of the Thinner® Digital Elegant Black Scale, model: TH302.
I have extensively documented this unfortunate event, and will provide photographic references for the benefit of your engineering department if it would be helpful in preventing future domestic kristallnachts.
Respectfully-
Everett S-----
--
Dear Conair Consumer,
Thank you for contacting us regarding your TH302. We would like to apologize for any inconvenience this situation has caused.
Your information has been forwarded to our Corporate office, someone from that office will be contacting you within the next 7-10 working day. Please do not dispose of unit.
If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to call us at 800-528-9384 Ext. 5000. We can be reached Monday through Friday between the hours of 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 EST. Any representative will be happy to assist you.
Thank you for your continued interest in Conair Products.
Respectfully,
Shannon E----
Consumer Correspondent
Conair Corporation
7475 N. Glen Harbor Blvd.
Glendale, AZ 85307
--
Dear Shannon-
That certainly is good news. I look forward to hearing back from you. Unfortunately, I believe that I have already disposed of the unit. I am fairly certain that a garbage bag full of broken glass and circuit boards made its way out of the house most expeditiously, although perhaps my wife saved it from this mornings garbage collection. She is always saving things out of the trash can. I think it comes from the fact that she played Annie in the musical as a child, and that plucky Great Depression Era thriftiness stayed with her for life.
I will gladly sort through my household waste this evening in order to locate the remains of our late Thinner® Digital Elegant Black Scale, model: TH302, whom we have now come to remember fondly as "Pesario", as I seem to recall that she hailed from Mexico. As you can see, the little details are already starting to fade. You never appreciate what you have until it's gone. I speak with experience when I encourage you to cherish whatever time you have left with your TH302. Hopefully my tragedy will be a lesson for all.
Fondly,
Everett S------
P.S. As promised, I have enclosed some photographs of our last night with our TH302. Perhaps your engineering team can glean some forensic clues from the pictures in order to assist their investigation, should the remains of our beloved TH302 be unrecoverable.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I think I must officially be sick of every kind of music (except you, Beyonce. You make me cry whilst singing along), because this band blows my mind and I'm a this-kind-of-music-ofile now.
We watched this with Jill who told us that we get "excited like stoners" about stuff. GUILTY AS CHARGED. HOLY LORD I LOVE THIS BAND. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THE GUITAR PLAYER LOOKS LIKE JEAN LUC PICARD? OF COURSE YOU DID BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES STAR TREK TNG. Where did they get that beat boxing kid? OMFGYES.
Speaking of stoned, HighDEAS is your new favorite web site. There are so many, many, many wonderful ideas to make fun of.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
My husband is trying to convince me to walk from Georgia to Maine next year. He's an extreme-type. I, on the other hand, was thinking of doing a measly half-marathon in Moldova or Peru or someplace exciting once I get in serious shape, which is happening thanks to my fitnessy friends. What's the deal with me not being able to picture myself doing a full marathon? I can only picture myself throwing up and quitting. My friend Sean ran the Great Wall of China Marathon and made a video of himself throwing up and NOT quitting. WTF? I admire you, sir. I would have cried and taken a rickshaw TO THE HOSPITAL.
The Married Team went to Lake Charles yesterday, and it was just the escape we've needed. We've been seriously overhauling the Land Rover to become the Ultimate Camp Mobile. It's hot as all eff here, but we're still going to brave the heat and go. And NOW when we go we can have toast and sit in chairs. It's going to be real.
Also, Chili's sucks.
So your grl had a REAL LIVE JOB INTERVIEW last week that took place in the only 5 story building in Leesville. I know that by announcing it into the eather I've DEFINITELY HEXED MYSELF but in my mind I've given up because I feel like I should have heard from them today. In either case, if my severly lovely existance as a bikini-clad poolside housewife continues, I shall try not to feel like I'm missing out on the exciting life of being a 9 to 5 Anne Taylor-wearing marketing and promotions type.
Oh but oh I hope I get it. I like money and coffee and being on the go more so very, very much.
Anyway, my mumsey complained to me that I don't update my blog more, which is funny because I spent at least 3 years flat-out-horrified that she'd find out about meltingdolls.com. Part of me wishes I'd had the foresight and gumption to be totally honest with her about the seedier parts of my personality from an earlier age. If you're the kind of teen who can answer all your mother's questions honestly, THEN I SALUTE YOU.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Here is where you should shop: animalshirts.net. Also, you can now start planning your next tattoo, as I have given you all the inspiration you need.
Here is how you should act: Purdue compliment guys
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
And now a message from Dr. Bunny Mcintosh.
Hello. I have a cold. Some times when I get sick I use the disgusting-but-helpful method of pouring salt water through my sinuses via a neti pot in order to combat my afflictions (also, you're welcome for that picture). Oprah taught me this, and since she is obviously the real God, I tried it. After some trauma w/r/t neti pots yesterday, I wrote this email to my bff.
Dear Jill,
Since I was feeling sick, Everett and I decided that since we don't have a neti pot, the second best option would be for me to allow him to use a plastic tube as a salt water siphon through my nasal passages. This seemed like an interesting experiment, UNTIL, GO FUCKING FIGURE, IT WENT HORRIBLY AWRY. I figured that Everett, in his infinite understanding of science and all manner of physics would slowly elevate the glass of salt water (which was fucking SEA WATER because I put too much salt in) to an appropriate level (like, the level of my nose) and slowly start the siphon. NO DICE. As soon as the tube was up my nose he SHOT the glass of salt water towards the gods, and I was blasted with a brain full of the Atlantic itself. So, I immediately start choking and writhing around on the ground, my tubed brain-bath spilling at a whirlwind speed into my eyes, face, mouth, shirt, floor, etc. My entire sinus cavity empties, my ears hurt, and I announce something along the lines of "OH GOD OH GOD I FEEL LIKE I JUST WENT DROWNING," as I roll choking in disbelief on the bathroom floor. Everett is telling me that "was awesome." I almost cry for the next ten minutes convinced that I have definitely polluted my brain and somehow throat lymph nodes, but the verdict is in: in order to make it feel "even," I have to do the other side.
Everett puts forth a small argument to let him help again, he knows what he is doing this time, etc. This request is denied with prejudice, and so goes the announcement and sincere conviction that I WILL NEVER LET YOU SIPHON ANYTHING INTO MY NOSE AGAIN FOR ANY REASON.
Now he is watching cross fit videos, and I feel betrayed AS WELL AS retarded, but also less sick.
Please don't tell anyone.
love,
Bunny
P.S. Also, just so you know, when Everett read this email over my shoulder he corrected my spelling of the word "siphon" ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.
P.P.S
Here is a stupid photo of me dressed like a clown in a Tokyo train station to distract you from picturing me doing disgusting things with tea pots.
I have never done anything gross or wrong.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
There were some girls selling un-cute dogs in front of a cup cake streamer, and we bought abominable flavors of snow cones from a man who was 6'7 and 110 lbs. He was whistling French songs from the 20's and he was in charge of various sodas. I love you, Austin, Texas, and I miss your side walks and idea-peddling Greenpeace maniacs who want to tell me about how big corporations are cutting down trees for no reason. It was so hot out I was sweating like a nervous boy, and I was glad I didn't wear the dress I was going to wear to the wedding, which was my original bad plan.I'm not against pants because I am trying to indulge myself. I'm against them because they stick to your legs like a Chinese finger trap. I think all Southern people feel this way, or else we never would have invented jean shorts.
The wedding was later that night. My high heels aerated the wet grass as I un-gracefully shoved as many nachos into my mouth at once while still maintaining eye contact with a guy who was telling me about his marketing job in Salt Lake City. He looked like a disheveled Steven Colbert, and his wife was one of those earnest, cool girls I wished I could be better friends with. Ev and Matt played the intro-music for the ceremony and seemed like they spoke their own twin-languge as they told each other what to play with their eyes. Rachel and I sat side by side in the audience in the exact same color dress feeling thematic. The bride looked like a statue from the 20s, and the groom's knees literally buckled when she dropped a mid-vow medical pun.
Weddings are romantic because the person you love gets drunk enough to dance with you. We took these pictures there.
I just bought some Huck Fin style, knee length jean shorts that are long enough to suit a Mormon girl.
I am going to drink some muscle milk now.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Blogging is for babies: today Ev and I pimped out the Land Rover by painting the wheels almost-black and rhino-lining the trim. I know what you're thinking "LAND ROVER YOU SAY? BUT YOU ARE BOTH SENSIBLE VOLKSWAGEN OWNERS!" I know! But last week our neighbors were selling their hot hot Discovery so Ev made a shocking purchase without giving it any real thought, so now we have a sweet new car. Plus now we can get high in the garage off paint fumes! DOUBLE BONUS.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I had this conversation today:
Me: We never have make up sex.
Husband: Yes we do.
Me: . . .
Husband: Well you know, make up sex is always sort of awkward.
Me: Yeah?
Husband: You know. For me. I hate wearing make up.
Me: . . .
I made this today and it was amazing: Coconut Carrot Soup. I used Saracha instead of Curry powder, because I like it better and my sassy cooking skillz allow for this kind of leeway. I also added some plain yogurt to it, and IT IS BANGIN'.
Also, I NEED THESE TRANNY SHOES.
Monday, May 18, 2009
I spent the weekend in Austin at my friend's wedding. I have a lot of emotional things to say about friendship and love and Ras Trent and all you can eat tacos, but I just don't feel like it, reader. Instead I will let you find your own happiness with this fantastic website and this fantastic music video.
i am bunny mcintosh
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